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bindies mum
Show dog
Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 620
Location: wigan, england
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 Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:28 am Post subject: ahhhhh family! |
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whilst i love my family dearly we have very different opinions on most things especially animals, my mum and dad are both dog lovers but to them there dogs are dogs, i dont have a problem with that as there looked after but not how i want to look after MY dogs.
There always going on at me saying how i let the dogs rule my life, apparentley i dont have a social life and at 25 years old i should be out on the town every weekend with friends not at home or at shows with the dogs 
Now im much happier spending time with my dogs than i am most people, ive really learnt just who my so called friends are with some dog issues recentley and there not the ones who are out round the town every weekend. Im very happy doing what i do and perhaps i do let the dogs rule my life but so what its my life and im happy with that so why do they feel the need to keep sticking there noses in.  my fiance doesnt have a problem with it as he loves them as much as me.
I told them 5 weeks ago at the possibilty of getting this puppy and they wernt to keen but didnt really say much but really its got nothing to do with them, but last night they came round to MY house telling just how stupid i am in getting anoher dog and dont bing it to there house as there sick of my 3 as it is without anymore!!!! i was really hurt by this the dogs are my babies and im pretty sure they wouldnt say that to my sister about her children!
Im now thinking that if they want to see me they'll have to come to my house as if my dogs arnt welcome at theres im not going!!
Am i ove reacting or would you be upset by this? and does anybody else have this or just me? |
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puffornot
Top Dog!!!!
Joined: 25 Aug 2007
Posts: 3994
Location: oregon sweet oregon
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:02 am Post subject: |
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Well, putting it into a different scenario, I see it being just like family who want to know when you are going to have a baby. Let's assume they meant well  and just go on with living your life in the manner you enjoy. I can understand your feeling hurt and I am sorry they don't understand that was the result of their "good intentions". Hang in there! |
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ann
Painted Ponies
Joined: 26 Mar 2006
Posts: 11299
Location: berkshire, england
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:45 am Post subject: |
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| You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family, so the saying goes. My family could never understand why i would rather be out in all weathers working my dogs and horses, than sat in front of the tv, or working in a nice cosy office instead of vets: at often ungodly hours, or kennels and stables, and dog/horse shows. That's my choice and my friends were those who followed the same lifestyle. I did'nt take my dogs to my mums house, even though i looked after her for 30 years on a daily basis as she was disabled in later life. My siblings also were not animal people so ditto there. You have to accept some people don't care for animals in the same way we do, and though we may not understand it, we have to respect their views if we want to continue the relationship. Tell them how much it hurts you when they say unkind things about your dogs and your lifestyle. When they visit you in your home it's different, because they choose to, knowing you have dogs, that's your turf and no business of theirs how you populate it. Some people assume they have the right to say what they want, because you are family. Not true, and you don't have to let them. Your fiance is happy with the dogs, most important, and friends would not hurt you that way. Those that do, get rid, they are'nt friends. |
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achin4nakies
Top Dog!!!!
Joined: 17 Jan 2009
Posts: 2707
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:26 am Post subject: |
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It is unfortunate that those who we love the most and love us the most have the ability to hurt us the most with their comments or actions.
It's obvious that your parents have some very strong feelings about your pups that you do not share and it sounds as if your recent announcement has brought them to the forefront.
You have every right to be hurt by what they have said, but they have been upfront about their feelings (wrong as you and I believe they are) and now the ball is in your court of how you deal with it. It sounds as otherwise you have a good relationship with your parents, so respecting their wishes of not bringing the pups may not be to hard. Invite them to your place instead, you don't have to make the drive and your puppers will probably be happier at home anyway.
And I think Puff hit it on the head, this is probably not about the pups, there is probably something deeper that is fueling it that either they are not admitting or not totally aware of yet  . I can tell you as a parent that there have been times that if the worry about my boys was that they were spending too much time with their dogs I would have done a happy dance in a tutu in the middle of a family wedding!!! 
Anne along with Ruby, Pipp and Lilli |
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abbybuttons
Top Dog!!!!
Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Posts: 2333
Location: Western Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:34 am Post subject: |
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| I think everyone has hit the nail right on the head so far. We can't divorce ourselves of our families. Well you can but is that what you really want to do? If your parents live close to you and visiting them doesn't mean having to find someone to care for your dogs then I would continue to visit but just don't bring the dogs. Or maybe rotate which one you take each time if they will tolerate that. I know it is not fair that they have made this demand but your only other option is to always see them at your house or become estranged from them which I don't think you would want to do. |
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hlboyz
QueenLaQuintli
Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Posts: 11921
Location: Paradise
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:34 am Post subject: |
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I thinking you are over-reacting somewhat simply because they have apparently been quite tolerant of your three precious pups.... so this must be the breaking point for them. Hey, everyone has one... I see no reason for their concern about your social life since you have a finance who is as keen on your dogs as you are. Bringing them over to someone else's house is a bit much when you have multiple dogs. I would think about just taking one at a time from now on - that is just being polite - and thinking about their feelings. Since 4 would be too much anyway, may as well rotate them for visiting?
I find people with dogs talk dogs, people with kids talk kids and sometimes people with both talk both. And often we lose touch with our friends and family who don't share our passion for one or the other (or both), and often that just changes over time. And then we get into grandbabies and grandpups and all that....
I suspect they are concerned because your dogs have had a number of medical issues, and maybe they think you are overwhelmed with their problems (not to mention the expense) to be adding another puppy. A concern you had as well - so probably a valid one.
So, don't let this bother you, okay? Your folks seem like decent people even if they aren't dog crazy like us |
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bindies mum
Show dog
Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 620
Location: wigan, england
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:00 pm Post subject: |
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| i no i am pobaly over reacting but it just hurt for them to be the way they were but suppose your all right, i will respect there wishes and wont take the pups over from now on but they must also respect mine in that the dogs are my life and i see nothing wrong with that x thanks for all your input x |
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morag
Mistress of the Cunning Plan
Joined: 03 Dec 2007
Posts: 10305
Location: Shropshire UK
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Hun you've had great advice, family can be a trial, my dad never saw animals as house pets, he was an old timer farmer, and never understood and frequently critisised the way I am with my animals and I know for a fact he would have had a hissy fit about me paying for an MRI for Louie but whenever he used to comment or try to run my life, I'd tell him 'it's my life, I appreciate all your hard work and love in bringing me up to be a loving kind and considerate person but I will live this life you have given me my way, you do not have to be a part of it if you can't respect that fact but I sorely hope you love me enough to be there'. |
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Ace
Her Royal Nakedness
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 17256
Location: Florida dreaming
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think you're over reacting too much. It hurt. Words can hurt especially from those we love most. Do they know how much it hurt you?
You're allowed to feel the way you do. But don't let it fester. Life's too short to let this get in the way of family. Even if they never come around, they still love you and you them. Try not to take it all too personally. They have their opinions and you have yours. Agree to disagree. |
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sierrapride
House Broken
Joined: 04 Oct 2009
Posts: 117
Location: delaware
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| i can closely relate except for mine was a relationship. i am 24 and my boyfriend was the type that wanted to be out partying, but all i could think about was being home with my pup. he couldn't understand it because he would stay away from his pup for a week at a time and let his mom take care of it and it didn't faze him. like you, yoda is my world. i would rather be with him over out on the party scene any day of the week. to each their own. if your able to care for them and want to have them, do it. your able to give a puppy a safe, happy and loving home and if they don't understand that then like you said, let them come to you. my boyfriend came around, hopefully your parents will too. congrats on the new puppy and i hope it all works out for you!! |
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StellaLeigh
Best in Show
Joined: 24 Nov 2009
Posts: 1084
Location: wonderland
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| Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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Oh I know how you feel...
It's my inlaws though, I married my hubby and got a mother in law/out law.
She likes Riley and Lola is Ok, She doesn't really like the dogs on the furniture or even the carpet for that matter.
They had the Puffs at there house once for a overnighter years ago and it was the last time. I found out the the dogs weren't allowed on the bed because the dogs are "dirty".
But the worst is saved for poor Stella, #1 they've never seen a dog like her so they don't get it, no matter how many times I explain it, and Stella is also "dirty". My mother outlaw has touched Stella once, and only because she was in the way of Riley getting a treat from her.She actually only touched her jammies so it really doesn't even count as a touch.
We have had Stella since May09.
My father in law is not an out law so I am fortunate and my family has a menagerie of animals themselves so I am fortunate in that department.
I have come to terms with the fact that it's not going to change.
She is the way she is. It does drive me to rage on a regular basis but it's not a good thing to say bad things to your husband about his mother.
We don't bring the dogs to the house my husband insists we bring the dogs, therefore it's his idea, not mine.
I prefer to take one dog at a time when we do go over and there is way less "trouble" over the dogs, It works because like you I have 3 and if we take one it's a treat to have that special time one on one and the other 2 have each other at home.
You can pick your nose but you can not pick your family or your out laws/ in laws.
Hang in there. I do hope that you can come to a happy medium regarding your kids.
I'm sure your parents mean no harm, you are just different in the way you chose to treat and raise animals. They raised you so essentially they have laid the foundation for your love and respect of all creatures. They should be very proud of you.They may not agree but that doesn't mean they can't be proud. |
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darlinggrl7
Best in Show
Joined: 07 May 2008
Posts: 1813
Location: Oklahoma
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| Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 11:15 am Post subject: |
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I know what you mean.
My mom thinks that 'spay/neuter' contracts are absurd and that NO ONE can tell her what she can or can't do with her dog.
I also tried to explain to her the benefits of responsible breeding and health testing the breeding stock to make sure you aren't passing down any genetic problems... Which I was called something along the lines of a 'white supremacist' and 'Hitler'...  yeah...
We don't have many dog conversations anymore... And she has to bring it up and ask how I do at a show as I don't bring the subject up.
BUT.. they are still your family and are only voicing their concerns for you. My family is pushing for me to have kids and are convinced that the dogs will get in the way. My mom also thought my youth was being taken advantage of because of paying what I did for a dog that someone else told me what I could do with.
We just have differing opinions.. I have to respect hers and she has to respect mine. It is still hard though. |
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GypsyRose
Crate Trained
Joined: 10 Feb 2010
Posts: 44
Location: Dublin, VA
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| Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 9:43 am Post subject: |
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Let me tell you, you definitely have it better than me. Not only do my parents strongly disprove of the amount of pets I have (3 dogs of my own and 2 fosters, 1 cat of my own and 1 foster) and wont let any of them come over to their house (not even to stay out in the yard) but they are my daughter's babysitter. Why is that worse? They think I love my pets more than I love my daughter and they have fought me so hard over all this that they have blackened my eye over it. And the worse part is, I cant afford day care for my daughter so I still have to deal with them every day. I would like nothing better than to move further away from them (we only live a block away) and put my daughter in day care and just cut ourselves off from them, but at this time I cant afford it. If my parents could be civil about the whole thing, I wouldnt mind one bit. Their house, their rules and I can always run over to my house and check on my dogs while we are spending time with my parents. But beating me up over it is completely uncalled for.
I hope things work out for you with your parents. I can totally empathize with you. A thought that crossed my mind is do you have any doggie day care centers near you? If you do, you can always let the dogs have a fun day playing with others at day care while you visit your parents every so often and you wont have to worry about your pups being home alone. If they want to see you more than that, then they can come over to your house. |
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Yu-jiemomma
Diva 'n' Da Puff Boyzzzz
Joined: 13 Dec 2006
Posts: 7086
Location: Crestie love, Florida
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| Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 10:00 am Post subject: |
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Erin....a black eye?????!!! 
I pray everyday that the only worries I have for my kids when they becaome adults is that they love animals too much...that would be a dream for me as a mother |
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DE
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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You are an adult and have a life filled with interests and relationships of your own. While parents are always entitled to their opinions, aspirations for their children and their own lifestyles, there should always be mutual respect for differences.
It cannot hurt to politely let your parents know when they have hurt your feelings and ask for mutual tolerance of differences as this is what makes relationships work.
Why not sit down when everyone has calmed down and have a talk about these things.
Ann said it very well in her advice to you. |
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bindies mum
Show dog
Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 620
Location: wigan, england
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| Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 1:17 am Post subject: |
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thanks everyone your advice has been great, its certainly made me think about things. i will respect there wishes by not taking my pups over to there house whilst visting them, i also NEVER take them to my sisters house as she HATES dogs  ( we sometimes dont get on that great) she was the first person to tell me to have bindie put down and buy another!!!! when she was very ill  maybe its a learning curve for me in that i have to understand not everyone loves them as much as me and andy.
When we got engaged and first started talking about our wedding we said about the dogs being a part of in and having them on the pictures, my dads responce to that was 'if them rats are coming, im not giving you away' i think this last episode has been my breaking point, it hurts! i am going to tell them how much they have upset me by criticising my life and making nasty comments about my dogs, its exactley that........ MY life and they have to respect that. i really hope they can eccept that x |
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kerit
Crate Trained
Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 30
Location: Northern Wisconsin
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| Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 10:33 am Post subject: |
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| puffornot wrote: |
| Well, putting it into a different scenario, I see it being just like family who want to know when you are going to have a baby. |
That was my first thought too. At our wedding reception, my father-in-law made a point of asking for *human* children part of his toast to us (I was half-expecting a baby speech when I told mom-in-law we adopted Mojito, but she held her tongue). Your family might see another dog as something in the way of having kids, especially when they're ready for you to get married and take big new steps in your life. I've gotten a lot of dropped hints about how pets aren't babies and I just don't understand and when I have a baby I'll finally realize how unimportant all these animals are. |
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